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Issue 17 Out Now

Case of An Ex: Keep Your Cool With a Hater

Oh, exes. Such a wonderful thing to keep us humble in our current relationships. The social media DMs, disrespect to our faces, let’s not forget the delusions they feed themselves and sell to others all in their process of healing from what they lost. Now happy people in flourishing relationships their actions only say one thing, you won and they are mad and bitter. No need to raise alarm, risk your job, or sanity over this person who is simply hurt. We are all human, in which case we have our moments and can play both roles, but sometimes dealing with that someone who cannot stand to see you thrive and enjoy your new love, who can also be their old love, want to grab every opportunity to see you get out of sorts. But before you do, let me have your attention and give you some tips on what you should do in case of an ex.

Do Not Engage in Any Way.

If they are your ex or your S.O’s ex, there is no need to interact with them. If you work together, let your employer know the situation if they get out of hand because they do not have the time nor patience to babysit their employees, so they would want to nip this in the bud. Now if that’s not the case, interacting with them is unnecessary until they step to you verbally. The point is that you technically have no personal vendetta with them, so why deal with them. They can talk smack about you and your current S.O, but the reality is that you two are together and they are not. If they are just being mean and nasty, technically that is something your S.O (their ex) should handle ONE TIME. After that, it is just white noise. Now, if they say something to you in an open setting, stand up for yourself or ignore them, both should shut them down. If you say something, keep it on the lines of, “ I have no problem with you. This is all on you” as it sends the message that you are never going to deal with them. Ignoring them takes whatever power they think they have a way, they will get over it, and you never wasted a breath on them.

Mutuals Stay Neutral.

This is for my people who have to see their boo’s ex every day because of school or work. At work, keep it professional and do not engage as I mentioned earlier. Right now we are talking about the people outside of your relationship and beef, the friends. If you are in a setting where everyone knows everyone, they are likely to cool with you and the ex in which the ex could be spilling some sour tea about you to try and turn them against for their satisfaction. Mind you, I said could because if they are your real friends, they probably do not care about whatever negativity the ex is saying about you because they know you as they know them. If they are mature people, they would know the difference between someone venting after getting out of a relationship and a bitter ex trying to start something. What you do is not bring them up in conversation and they will see who the troubled one is. Think about it, the ex can speak up a storm about how much they hate you and your relationship, but you say nothing about them at all; in that regard, your friends will see you more as a winner thus keeping them on your side.

Social Silence.

Look, I’m all about showing off my man to the world especially on social media. Hell, I like the thought of his ex stalking our accounts seeing how happy we are, seeing the trips we have taken (and she hasn’t), and the all-around love we have for each other out of the pettiness I can admit to. I believe we all have that devil on our shoulders telling us to show off in our exes face, but we shouldn’t give in to them. If the ex hasn’t done it already, you should block them. Of course, this contradicts all I said earlier, but taking power away from the ex also includes not letting them access your socials. Whether they’ll comment some hatefulness on your posts or DM them to you, let’s not give them that privilege.

Rumors are Rumors. Simple as That.

I’ve had my share of my man’s ex say things about me through the grapevine and I was upset at first, but I had to realize that it is what it is, a rumor. I was worried about my reputation and both of us losing friends until I took a step back to see that the best we could do was to be more loving towards each other in public. In her mind, we were this or that, but to everyone else, we were love birds and couldn’t stay off each other. Talk about changing public perception. Rumors can be overcome by pushing your actions against false words, they say one thing, you do the opposite.

In closing, exes are hurt people who turned into emotional terrorists when they put their anguish into the wrong outlets that ultimately make them like worse people than they originally started from and make you look better. Trust that eventually they will see the light and knock themselves in the head after they realize how trifling they were and hopefully wish their ex the best with you, but until then they are not your problem, so stay balling✊🏽

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